I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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