So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Randomize
