remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
