I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
