Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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