I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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