I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
