Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
