What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
