so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
