so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
