why didn't you poke me back
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
