I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
