Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
