i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
