I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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