just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
