Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
