I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
