butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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