never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
