I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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