Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
