We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
