I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he was CRYING into my vagina
she told me i tasted like america
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
