imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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