I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
