I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
