A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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