I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
