why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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