thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
