Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
