Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
