Dual....:-)
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
