i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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