____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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