Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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