how can u be prego again
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
