Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
