Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
