Christians are straight up FREAKS
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
