My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
