That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
