I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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