I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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