And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
