i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
