You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize