Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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