He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
