I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
its liver damage thursday
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