While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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