last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
