there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
