I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize