He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
