An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
