I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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