wanna go halves on a baby?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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