My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When are your genitals available?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
