dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
