Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
