I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
