:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
