this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
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I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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