I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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