I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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