He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think people are normalizing furries
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
