im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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