I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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