I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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