there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
