there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
