You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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