If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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