You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
