Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
the raccoons are back...
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