UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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