Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
